Monday, July 30, 2007

Let's Fill That Thing— Before It's Too Late!

The circle seems to be done, with signs, double yellow- and white lines worthy of Times Square. But twice already people have completely RUN OVER the circle. Some clip it, some evade it, but some, indeed, have run right through it! There won't be anything left of it before long if these yokels keep it up. The latest deep ruts have the look of sheer maliciousness rather than stupidity, but the only real test will come when the circle is filled with trees, plants or solid rock. So let's get on it...

Thursday, July 26, 2007

Will the Circle Be Unbroken?

Well, the Marshall and Adams roundabout appears to be completed and in fine working order, except for some landscaping. Overall, it seems to be serving its purpose. But of course, we are in Petersburg, or, in a broader sense, southern Virginia, so when you figure in factors such as being at the low end of the gene pool, there are still plenty of morons not knowing what to do. Many people still cut across in the wrong direction rather than navigate a full circle, despite yellow lines and cobblestone pointers. One guy in a white van not only ignored the circle but went down a few yards onto Marshall, maneuvered back and forth a few times and happily completed what he thought was a U-turn, when all he had to do was follow the circle to beging with!
Still, we thank the people involved for completing the job as promised and supplying the added perk of nonstop entertainment around the non-stop signs. The concept is good, the circle is good, and the signs are a long overdue necessity. Hopefully this first step toward further gentrification of this neighborhood will drive some of the worst mamalukes out of our historic city into places like Richmond where they can be easily absorbed into the existing pool of deadbeats, addicts and welfare cheats. Virginia has dumped them here long enough. Besides, if they stay here, they're likely to just keep going in circles.


Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Marshall Street Circle Day 32

Day 32-

Petersburg- The Circle has landed. Make that one small step for the neighborhood and one giant leap for Marshall Street.

All that is left to do is remove the cones- clean up- paint the lines- put up signs telling people what to do- install a fountain/statue/golf hole/planting///////////

You get the idea.

Monday, July 23, 2007

Marshall Street Circle Day 31

Day 31-

Well the traffic elves have been busy I can not believe how much has happened in the last few days. The Circle is done- the pointers are done- no more holes in street- Perhaps they have exceeded the 30 day window and now they are on "Contractor Time".

Welcome to Mt. Marshall elevation 5 feet. Now that's what I call a visual impediment!

On a sad note, allegedly in retaliation of having the cops called on them every night the drunks in the park have pulled down the stop sign marking Neighborhood Watch Headquarters on South Adams.

Thursday, July 19, 2007

Marshall Street Circle Day 27

Day 27-

Well finally there are cobblestones on Marshall street. I hope to see this from the air when they are finished. It is starting to look like a compass. Still hoping for the directional signs.

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Watch Those Vacant Houses

There's a new hot spot in the neighborhood for late-night clandestine trysts— Realtor Debbie Dentler's permanently-for-sale house on Adams between Marshall St. and the Park. On a number of occasions in the past, I've called the police about people either using the side or back of the house as a bathroom, in broad daylight. But late last night, a local hooker and her young John were seen emerging from the property, apparently having concluded their transaction. I am going to contact Debbie about putting up some lights, and a no-trespassing sign on this overpriced turkey in the hopes that it will drive away lowlife, even as it languishes in the multiple listings for eternity. Other houses nearby, particularly those owned by the notorious Bayou Properties and "the man who wanted to save Petersburg" by buying up houses and playing mix and match with their interior fittings, may well now be unofficial houses of ill repute. Keep your eyes open, your flashlights fresh and your video cameras ready to roll!


Marshall Street Circle Day 26

Day 26-

Today's update digging out the holes. Oh this is going to be good

Saturday, July 14, 2007

Cat Run Down on Adams Street

One of the cats seen roaming the neighborhood regularly was found dead on Adams Street Saturday night. There have been a number of stray animals roaming the area lately but this one looked to have belonged to a nearby resident. Animals should be kept close to home, of course, and while cats are prone to roam, it usually takes a little intent to actually hit one. Unlike squirrels, who tend to dart in and of any moving thing, cats can usually be spotted and avoided. Of course, the asshole flying down Adams amidst the other assholes who always fly down Adams just went ahead and hit the animal and kept going. This, of course is illegal. But so are 80% of the other activities that go on in Petersburg without any hint of prosecution. The new circle does two things. It slows down traffic because of the stop signs, and confuses most of the local idiots because they don't know how to go around it. Perhaps that will change, even here amidst the low end of the gene pool. But until Adams becomes a one-way street going north, which remains the ONLY solution to this traffic problem, keep your eyes out for the hot-wheeled morons flying down Adams, Today it was someone's cat; tomorrow it may be you or your child. And don't think they will stop for you either.


Thursday, July 12, 2007

Marshall Street Circle Day 20

Day 20-

It's starting to look like a giant peg game.
" Leave two pegs: You're Purty Smart."

Well today we got new caution tape, and cut marks in the pavement for the peg games- oh! not sure why but the hole also got bigger and turned into a skull shape perhaps the contractors have been reading Skull-A-Day and were inspired.

Also the trash reported from Day 14& 17 has been cleaned up. Not sure if it had to do with an Owl- a crying Native American- or good old fashioned public shaming. I like to think it was from our public shaming. But don't put away those scarlet letters yet folks- because there is a certain fountain in the park to talk about. On second thought put away your scarlet ones and bring out the "Beach Club Blue" ones.

Monday, July 09, 2007

Marshall Street Circle Day 17

Day 17-

In order to increase safety in the neighborhood we have included a missile silo into this traffic plan. Key leaders of Poplar Lawn Neighborhood Watch have been issued launch codes. UN inspectors have been on scene but their results are inconclusive.

First Look at the concrete circle. That isn't just any concrete curbing that is concrete aggregate.

Also to report the contractors have switched from Newports to Kool. We are unsure of what is means at this time, but we are watching the situation very carefully.

Our experts are still conducting their investigation, but at this time they believe that this mysterious symbol means that some device is going to be installed to help direct drivers in to the proper use of the circle. (Or they are installing a giant peg game courtesy of Cracker Barrel Old Country Store- our experts are evenly split on this.)


Friday, July 06, 2007

Marshall Street Circle Day 14

Day 14-

The cement for the circle was poured today. We are making progress. Can not wait for the uncovering. I got word that the statue idea was just a hoax. The circle is going to be finished with grass and a flag with the number 19 on it. Mind if I play through?

Start getting your best clothes ready cause once this is finished we are going to have a ribbon cutting ceremony complete with over sized novelty scissors.

Looks like the work crew left a time capsule for 2057.

Newports-Mountain Dew-Snack Cakes
A well balanced sample of America's Addiction Pyramid!

Tuesday, July 03, 2007

Marshall Street Circle Day 11

Day 11-

No Progress on the circle but it must have been quick drying cement for the sign footings. The 4 new stop signs are up. Also added was a sign marking the location of the Marshall Street Neighborhood Watch Headquarters. Look out lawbreakers on Marshall, Adams, and Tulip we have our eye on you.

Monday, July 02, 2007

Marshall Street Circle Day 10

Still no work on the circle... but look they put in footings for the new stop signs to be added later.

(hint: they are under the cone)